Pre-Trip Post

Apparently when you travel alone, you learn a lot about yourself. The trip hasn't even begun and I have discovered so much:

1. I am more vain than I previously thought. I am too vain to embark on a holiday for more than, I would estimate 4 days, with a backpack. I have too much stuff. I am finding it almost impossible to let go of a lot of the make up I should really just leave behind.
2. I cannot "cull". I have tried. Either that, or the bag is too small. However Phuong managed to use the very same backpack for 3 months in Europe. Typicall she is at a rock concert, so is too busy being a groupie to lead the much needed cull.
3. My imagination is just way too overactive, and needs to go away. It also leans towards the worst case scenario. Which may explain the close to 1 million diarrhoea tablets and antibiotics I have packed. I am certain Cairo authorities will pick me up for dealing drugs.
4. I get lonely really really fast. I miss y'all already. :o)
5. I am a little too attached to my hair straightener.

Goodnight everyone. It's time this little traveller went to bed. Salam!

Message to Terrorists

You are BORING. No one likes you. Go back to your caves, log on to the Internet and find yourself a GIRLFRIEND. Blowing yourself up is ANTI-SOCIAL behaviour. My friend Jacqui is organising a turban decorating class while I'm on holidays. I think you should go. Spruce up that tea towel on your head and start making a bit of an EFFORT with your appearance. You look like shit.

Goodness Had Nothing To Do With It

"Goodness, what lovely diamonds."

"Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie."

Yes, it's true! For this trip, Mae West will be my inspiration, with her legendary feistiness as my guiding light. With my wedding ring in tow ("Excuse me miss, your husband is showing") I will be slaying terrorists and flu-infected birds with double-entendres and ... gin and tonic.

Of course given recent AWFUL press re Australian tourists, I will not be able to get up to half the hi-jinks I would prefer. Thanks for that Schapelle, Bali-9 (do you guys have names?) and Michelle Leslie. Obviously I'm not taking drugs, but I have now felt the need to cover my arse by getting a dr's letter for such simple pharmaceuticals as diarrhoea tablets. GOSH!

Although, if I was to get caught doing something stupid, I would want to look half as good as Michelle Leslie did (pre-burqua) and I wouldn't mind if I was carrying a Gucci handbag like hers. It looked real. *sigh* I just want to be effluent.

Bye Girls!

Ooooohh! My favourite girls - I will miss you while I'm gone!! But I will do you proud and gaze through the windows of Louis Vuitton and Chanel. I will buy something fake and pretend I bought it in Paris. Did I say that out loud?

I also aim to break into an exclusive New Year's party while in Paris - I'll be buggered if I'm going to hang out around the bottom of the Eiffel Tower with every other damn backpacker. That is why I've decided it is essential that I bring along my white fur bolero on my trip - it will get a little squashed, but it will be very important in my attempt to break into the party. he he he...

And if I don't make it back alive from my trip - all surviving girls get my stuff. xoxo

One Month To Go

I am publishing this post a few days late (i.e. it is no longer one month until I go) because technology is not my friend. I don't know why the internet has such a problem with me, but it does. I have accepted this, and will continue to publish and republish blogs until they go on my damn blog! Geez!!! And also - I wanted to call this blog African Queen after the Bogart/Hepburn movie, but I wasn't allowed. Stupid internet.

Anyway - Blog that was created on 28 October is now being published almost a WEEK later due to said internet relationship iss-ues. Enjoy. :o)

It's exactly one month until I disappear on my overseas adventure - it's been about 4 years since I've left the country and I am damn excited!
High on my list of priorities pre-departure is - obviously - what am I going to wear? I don't mean this in a "how do I avoid being bitten by tarantulas on my feet?" or a "how will I be as warm as possible when it snows?" sense. I mean - "how do I match the incredibly high standards of dress in Paris?" and "how do I avoid pissing off the locals in Egypt, while also looking normal and not incredibly touristy and an obvious target to nasty pick-pocketers?". Travel can be so complicated. Add to that the fact that there are terrorist attacks every weekend now, and the impending threat of bird flu. I've always hated birds, now I hate them more. Stupid birds. I also think terrorists are really dumb, especially if they choose to bomb Egypt or Jordan while I'm there. Killing lawyers is NOT the answer. Oh. Hang on a minute...
Well anyway - apart from the security and wardrobe concerns - I can't wait!